Been browsing the Bernie Sanders Fan Club this afternoon and discovered that their pundits have already profiled the 3,401,030 voters in five states who swept Hillary Clinton to victory yesterday. If you are one of those 3,401,030 voters, the piercing analysis may hit you with jaw-dropping awe.
1) YOU’RE A BILLIONAIRE
The losing candidate was the first to present this description. The billionaires are a hated class because, of course, they are all evil.
But someone in Oz thought about that and figured that there are probably not 3,401,030 billionaires in the states of Missouri, Ohio, Florida, Illinois and North Carolina.
2) YOU’RE BRAINWASHED
So how many billionaires voted on #PrimaryDay?
Hmm, I guess it must have been brainwashed voters.
Wake up America! pic.twitter.com/fBMM8vMWaS
— Australia for Bernie (@OzForBernie) March 16, 2016
3) YOU’RE 45 OR OLDER
— . (@ProgresveRebel) March 16, 2016
Apparently, it’s only the young people (and in Ohio, the really young) who recognize that Wall Street is ruining their lives.
The obverse must also be true. If you are old enough for a career and a pension, then per Bernie Fan Club logic, you are totally oblivious about the disastrous effects that financial institutions have on things like credit, mortgages, interest rates and pensions. Only the young understand these things.
5) YOU’RE A CLOSET CONSERVATIVE
— Taylan Malak (@devrimnow) March 16, 2016
hmm a “closet conservative”? Like the conservatives who work their butts off for parity? Or the ones who put their lives on hold to elect the first woman President? Maybe it’s those closet conservatives at Planned Parenthood or the Human Rights Campaign. Could it be the conservatives that really want Trump or Cruz but switched parties and voted for Hillary for kicks? I’m not sure which closet conservative is referenced here – so many choices – 3,401,030 of them!
If none of those tags seem to fit, then you might be:
- A FRIEND OF GEORGE WALLACE
- A UTERUS/VAGINA, BITCH or STUPID
- A DEMOCRAT
- A CORPRATIST OR WALL STREET WHORE
- TOTALLY CLUELESS
- HUNGERING FOR EXTREME WEALTH, FAME & POWER
— PrezBernieSanders (@BerniesThatMan) March 16, 2016
and of course, I dare not forget (though the fan club did), the Number One reason we voted for Hillary Clinton.
WE ARE THE ESTABLISHMENT!
Isn’t it fun being a thing?